Pretection

I open PC， surfe the net， hoping somthing will release my pain， or give me a hope that I can brake throgh this darkness one day.

How many thimes did I do this?
I already know that who can help me is only me.
I know that what I need is to believe myself， rely on me， but not someone’s sweat words.

Cling to the internet， others， or my wound.
Thoses things don’t save me， but just give me a temporary reliefe.
Such reliefe soon go away， and I start looking for something that make me secure.

Yes， I’m insecure.
I can’t find someting that doesn’t change and suports me from the nside of myselfe.
I thought I finary found it.
But it soon collapsed.
And it recure.

I know I gotta protect the seeds from enermy or disaster from the outside.
I gotta believe it and protect it even if it so small and feeble.
’Cuz that is me， that is real myself.

Don’t need popular songs， words from others， or a sweat man， to preotect myself.
What I need is my words， my belife， and my feelings.
I know that.
But it hard.
It’s really hard.